Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon At the beach life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 13:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
←Rate | 05-31-2010 12:52 by Bacha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The tip of the day: Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night!
←Rate | 05-31-2010 12:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon is surprised that some group of backwoods pudknockers hasn't yet blamed President Obama for CAUSING the BP oil leak in the Gulf.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 11:51 Comments (6)  


   messageicon wonders how exactly does one wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy?
←Rate | 05-31-2010 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quitting Facebook over privacy is like moving out of your house because you can't be bothered to lock the door....
←Rate | 05-31-2010 09:15 by Craneman Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why hasn't BP used my solution yet to stop that oil leak? Simple AND brilliant...contact Tampax, have the worlds largest tampon made. Stick it in the hole....TADA, no more leaks...
←Rate | 05-31-2010 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 05:55 by sidd Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
←Rate | 05-31-2010 04:57 by @rush1oc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life was much simpler when Apple's and Blackberry's were just fruits.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 04:57 by Edwin Comments (0)  


   messageicon i said something that changed the atmosphere at a dinner party yesterday... I said I hope no body is allergic to nuts... because I like resting mine on the table
←Rate | 05-31-2010 04:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 04:53 by @rush1oc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 04:51 by @rush1oc Comments (0)  


   messageicon A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 04:50 by @rush1oc Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away."
←Rate | 05-31-2010 02:30 by Sharath Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water, all I have to do is defrost it!
←Rate | 05-31-2010 01:53 by Señor Frog Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently the phrase, "If you build it, they will come," doesnt apply to self constucted bedroom furniture from IKEA!
←Rate | 05-31-2010 01:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm speechless...what can I say?....i saw it comin b4 it happen...i felt the fart but i'm goin to shout my mouth let them blame the fat kid
←Rate | 05-31-2010 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am afraid if I started selling my body I might end up on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....
←Rate | 05-31-2010 00:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its POOP again....Don't put it out with your boots TED!!!
←Rate | 05-31-2010 00:01 by mmash34 Comments (3)  




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