Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence
←Rate | 06-08-2010 14:04 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bing is a great website, for internet searches. I know this, because I Googled it.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:54 by MatthewPacheco Comments (4)  


   messageicon Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:52 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:31 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete... ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon found a dead lizard on the back porch...apparently, a reptile dysfunction.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 13:13 by @bitemeNsuckit Comments (0)  


   messageicon So where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? We can send bjillions to Haiti but forget the working folks in the Gulf, eh?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 12:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !
←Rate | 06-08-2010 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do all Mexican restaurants serve Pepsi and not Coke?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 12:33 by Leeferd Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 11:33 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's say you were to date someone for a few months and then they told you that they were actually " married". Is that considered good news or bad news?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 10:24 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Half the lies they tell about me aren't true
←Rate | 06-08-2010 10:16 by jz Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when you no longer buy cereal for the prize but for the fiber content.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 08:39 by Leeferd Comments (0)  


   messageicon just written "You have no new messages" on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and thrown it far out to sea.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 05:34 by @SteveHarvey_ Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much would it suck if your name was really "Ed Hardy"?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 01:42 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 01:40 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber is approximately the same diameter as the oil pipe in the Gulf......is anybody thinking what I'm thinking?
←Rate | 06-08-2010 01:38 by jdpower Comments (2)  


   messageicon Next for BP: they're going to add balsamic vinegar to the oil; turning the Gulf into a nice vinaigrette.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 01:36 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sign of the times when you don't take a newspaper or magazine to the bathroom with you anymore. Instead you take your iPad with you. Be sure to wipe the screen when your done!!!
←Rate | 06-08-2010 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon its very sad Adriana Xenides has died and I'm not even going to make a joke about it. That would be in_p_o_ri_te
←Rate | 06-08-2010 00:04 Comments (0)  




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