Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5863 of 6369
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting
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06-09-2010 10:04
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You can negotiate with a terrorist, not with a redhead.
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06-09-2010 10:03
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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
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06-09-2010 10:02
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My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine
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06-09-2010 10:00
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Aspire to inspire before you expire.
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06-09-2010 09:58
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Ever notice no matter how hard you try, you still say Reese's PEECIES instead of pieces?
Global warming will not kill us. It will just adjust the food web so that every other animal dies and we resort to eating each other. That's when the zombie apocolypse comes in...
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06-09-2010 08:23
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Whenever I feel unproductive and unaccomplished, I have to remind myself that "Windows 7 was my idea." That always lifts me up a little.
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06-09-2010 08:01
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With all the police and medical shows taking over primetime TV, you figured one could skip all of college to be in the field of criminal justice and medical.
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06-09-2010 07:39 by Danmanz
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Never question a woman's mood. Question her motive.
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06-09-2010 07:23
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my mother always taught me to lick it before I stick it
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06-09-2010 05:12
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you're allways late, your work is slack, you bit#h and wine behind my back, a 2hr lunch 4u is quick, and twice a week you call in sick, i've hated you since the day you were hired, log off facebook are your fat a#s is fired
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06-09-2010 04:33
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NXT 4 Life! They're taking over!
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06-09-2010 03:58
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The ball got bigger, then it hit me
loves life; but life thinks we should see other people.
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06-09-2010 01:10 by Peebs
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knows one thing about the speed of light -- It always gets here way too early in the morning.
Finds that the best place to pick up women is at the Immigration Office.
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06-08-2010 23:13 by Tracy
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I'm not saying we ought to misbehave, but we should at least look as though we could.
Do camels think their feet looks like pussies?
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06-08-2010 21:36 by bubba
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I mix Corona with water and it gets me drunk... mixed Wine with water and it gets me drunk... I mix Tequila with water and gets me drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...
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06-08-2010 20:47 by Joser
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