Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5861 of 6369
Thank you Flyers for a great season. The best I've ever seen. But hey Blackhawks I hope you enjoy drinking the beer from the cup. We peed in it.
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06-10-2010 00:06 by SLAYER
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People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're al the same
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06-09-2010 23:52 by @seddy90
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It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives
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06-09-2010 23:32 by @seddy90
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You were born as an original. Don't die as a copy
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06-09-2010 23:16 by @seddy90
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Mom used to let me lick the mixing beaters when she'd bake a cake.....seems like it would have been better bonding between us if she'd shut the mixer off first though....
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06-09-2010 22:30
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You know it's a bad day when a three legged camel points to your girlfriend's crotch and asks for his foot back !!!
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06-09-2010 21:29 by k9cop2529
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It's all fun and games until you notice the *rocket* in your son's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand.
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06-09-2010 21:06
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I am standing out in the wind with my pants down and letting the wind blow me! Don't Judge me!
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06-09-2010 20:56
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seen some miniature american flags for sale today, said made in china, classic!
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06-09-2010 20:29 by Phelpsy
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believes that knowing when to say nothin' is not easily learned and impossible to teach......
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06-09-2010 20:26
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If I had a dollar for every calorie I burned tonight, Id be in the hole 1200 dollars! Thanks Alot Papa Murpheys
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06-09-2010 19:34 by BOO
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Those who criticize usually have nothing else better to do, or expect someone else to do it for them!
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06-09-2010 19:14
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I think I found the solution for the global warming...we can send that guy that I now, who's responsible of 65% of gas emissions on earth, to space...and the problem will be solved.
A psychiatrist is a highly paid baggage handler.
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06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser
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Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
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06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser
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Why is in that in America they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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06-09-2010 17:51 by Joser
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Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
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06-09-2010 17:50 by Joser
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Do it tomorrow. You've made enough mistakes for today.
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06-09-2010 17:50 by joser
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True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like leaves, found everywhere.
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06-09-2010 17:46 by BEGO
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Bad news: I burned my finger on the toaster. Good news: 1 down, 9 stupid incriminating fingerprints to go.
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06-09-2010 17:39 by Joser
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