Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5859 of 6369
This whole time you've been worried about dying from unhealthy burgers, but now you find out that drinking water with a McDonalds Shrek glass is what's going to kill you. Go figure
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06-10-2010 18:03 by Gr`april
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wishing that girl on Maury would hurry up and find her baby daddy already!
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06-10-2010 18:00
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going to jail....because I just assaulted that plate of nachos!
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06-10-2010 17:56
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i was playing ping pong against king kong in hong kong using my ding dong ...
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06-10-2010 17:48
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My toilet seat was stolen, not sure who took it, right now I have nothing to go on.
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06-10-2010 17:22
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typing up a letter to the producers of "Unsolved Mysteries"...maybe they can figure out how many damn licks it takes to get to the center of a damn Tootsie Pop!!!!
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06-10-2010 16:28 by SJM
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thinks that the US Soccer team should dress up as oral hygienists to scare the english into forfeiture
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06-10-2010 16:19 by Yaj
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Sometimes being a good friend just means being a good listener...
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06-10-2010 15:38
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My wife told me that I am immature, I said I know you are but what am I ??
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06-10-2010 15:37
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I think we should all look to other serious controversial environmental issues for guidance when we think of a punishment for the BP CEO. I think we should club him like a baby seal !! Then we can run a commercial saying that we are sorry for the mess w
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06-10-2010 14:55
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All the girls become ordinary, no matter how much important they are to you before, once you spend certain amount of time with them after commitment.
Its says "omg Cholesterol" on my Box of Honey Nut Cheerios... is that bad???
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06-10-2010 13:48 by GB
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If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
thinks farmville is o.k. but pharmville is a blast.
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06-10-2010 10:31 by chuckg
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If we all just look at the big picture then no one will ever find the secret vault behind it
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06-10-2010 09:48
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wondering why unemployment didn't find it funny when I sent them a bill for overtime due to excessive hours of job searching on weekends, nights and holidays.
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06-10-2010 09:41
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The only time I ever nap is after hitting the snooze button. I took 32 naps this morning.
What seperates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.
BP HAS STOPPED THE LEAK!! Apparently they put a huge wedding ring over it and it just stopped putting out.