Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So Adrian Peterson misses "mandatory" training camp for "Adrian Peterson Day" in some town in Texas, and its some big deal... My question is how do the celebrate "AP Day"? Bake some turnovers, drop things all day and accomplish nothing major?
←Rate | 06-12-2010 11:24 by AMS Comments (3)  


   messageicon Tip this cab driver $5 he continued staring at me like I was going to give him more with his hand open, I took my $5 back, the tip is be grateful and stop being greedy
←Rate | 06-12-2010 11:17 by mhenry Comments (0)  


   messageicon Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the days when covering my eyes would make me invisible...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 10:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think this day just took a hard right onto WTF blvd...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 10:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon my two buddies walked into a bar, but I ducked
←Rate | 06-12-2010 10:24 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 10:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My plans for this weekend are so top secret even I don't know what they are.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 10:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried to watch the World Cup....Why does it sound like there is a pi$$ed off swarm of hornets at every game????
←Rate | 06-12-2010 09:51 by greg2missy Comments (3)  


   messageicon Thinking of getting a HUGE TATTOO on my neck....Oh ya, that's a good look!!!
←Rate | 06-12-2010 09:50 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spys search social networking sites like Facebook for info. It would be great if we could just start posting all kinds of bogus info just to mess with their searches!
←Rate | 06-12-2010 09:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"
←Rate | 06-12-2010 09:06 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon exceptionally frustrated! How can I creep your Facebook page when I have to wade thru your farm, mafia, daily luck, horoscope, quiz results, lover/friend of the day, cafe world, and everything of which you've now become a fan? Make it easy on me people!!!
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wishing your pets could talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I read Facebook status updates and I can't understand them. Then I say to hell with it and read some that aren't mine.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't allow men to smoke in my room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon just admitted himself into the hokey pokey institute...I figure it a way to turn my life around.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they eventually find the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be surprised to find out it's NOT them...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This isn't what it looks like" almost ALWAYS means "This is exactly what it looks like." Just sayin'...
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 08:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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