Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5852 of 6367
So Adrian Peterson misses "mandatory" training camp for "Adrian Peterson Day" in some town in Texas, and its some big deal... My question is how do the celebrate "AP Day"? Bake some turnovers, drop things all day and accomplish nothing major?
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06-12-2010 11:24 by AMS
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Tip this cab driver $5 he continued staring at me like I was going to give him more with his hand open, I took my $5 back, the tip is be grateful and stop being greedy
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06-12-2010 11:17 by mhenry
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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
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06-12-2010 10:45
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I miss the days when covering my eyes would make me invisible...
I think this day just took a hard right onto WTF blvd...
my two buddies walked into a bar, but I ducked
I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies...
My plans for this weekend are so top secret even I don't know what they are.
Tried to watch the World Cup....Why does it sound like there is a pi$$ed off swarm of hornets at every game????
Thinking of getting a HUGE TATTOO on my neck....Oh ya, that's a good look!!!
Spys search social networking sites like Facebook for info. It would be great if we could just start posting all kinds of bogus info just to mess with their searches!
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06-12-2010 09:37
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Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"
exceptionally frustrated! How can I creep your Facebook page when I have to wade thru your farm, mafia, daily luck, horoscope, quiz results, lover/friend of the day, cafe world, and everything of which you've now become a fan? Make it easy on me people!!!
Wishing your pets could talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets...
Sometimes I read Facebook status updates and I can't understand them. Then I say to hell with it and read some that aren't mine.
I don't allow men to smoke in my room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.
just admitted himself into the hokey pokey institute...I figure it a way to turn my life around.
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06-12-2010 08:13
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When they eventually find the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be surprised to find out it's NOT them...
"This isn't what it looks like" almost ALWAYS means "This is exactly what it looks like." Just sayin'...
Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.