Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can't sleep, maybe I should count my blessings!

   thinking Huggies diapers should be brought in as a consultant to the BP leak in the Gulf. If you saw some of the leaks these Huggies have already stopped, then you'd be a believer. LOL

   Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

   I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me

   According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes... and women say the first thing they notice about men iss they're a bunch of liars.

   I bet you I could stop gambling

   I almost landed a huge fish when my line snapped. It was a reel disappointment...

   why is it that when I see a pregnant woman and her man, I always tend to picture them having sex??

   I want to tell you about my dream last night. I don't understand it. It was Greek to me....Έχετε λάβει η στιγμή να μεταφράσει αυτό το όνειρο; έχετε ανάγκη από βοήθεια.

   Two chinese people had an albino baby last week. Turns out two Wongs do make a white.

   Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   it just me, or does cocaine smell really, really good?

   Rest in Peace Jimmy Dean. . . Your sausage will never be the same... ( I am not sure I like the sounds of this post after typing it ) Admit it.. You ALL LOVE HIS SAUSAGE!

   Ask for the B.P special at Red Lobster. Shrimp Scampi and a free oil change.

   Why is it one you always wish for is out there somewhere...just waiting for the right time for you both to meet..and it will happen when you least expect it... :)

   there is no status update....only zuul

   Just read that BP was working on a sponsorship deal with the English goal keeper! Apparently there was a leak on both sides and the deal never happened!

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me

   Don't EVER fight for someone who wouldn't damn fight for you.