Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   President Obama misunderstood that today is Flag Day. He thought it was Hag Day and took Helen Thomas out to lunch.

   upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"...

   Promises are like babies: easy to make but hard to deliver.

   ..i blame my typos on my years as a postwoman. Even today I cant help but miss a letter ot two..

   ...is upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"....

   Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.

   Can't sleep, maybe I should count my blessings!

   thinking Huggies diapers should be brought in as a consultant to the BP leak in the Gulf. If you saw some of the leaks these Huggies have already stopped, then you'd be a believer. LOL

   Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

   I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me

   According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes... and women say the first thing they notice about men iss they're a bunch of liars.

   I bet you I could stop gambling

   I almost landed a huge fish when my line snapped. It was a reel disappointment...

   why is it that when I see a pregnant woman and her man, I always tend to picture them having sex??

   I want to tell you about my dream last night. I don't understand it. It was Greek to me....Έχετε λάβει η στιγμή να μεταφράσει αυτό το όνειρο; έχετε ανάγκη από βοήθεια.

   Two chinese people had an albino baby last week. Turns out two Wongs do make a white.

   Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   it just me, or does cocaine smell really, really good?

   Rest in Peace Jimmy Dean. . . Your sausage will never be the same... ( I am not sure I like the sounds of this post after typing it ) Admit it.. You ALL LOVE HIS SAUSAGE!