Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5847 of 6367
pondering why the kids can't give the silly rabbit just one bowl of trix, greedy little brats...
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06-14-2010 19:30
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I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, "yeah, sounds good. Let's do that."
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06-14-2010 19:14 by Joser
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I'm on this insane diet. So far, I've lost my mind.
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06-14-2010 19:13 by Joser
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Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
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06-14-2010 19:13 by Joser
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Probably the most awkward thing for Chinese parents is not explaining where babies come from, but rather, where they go.
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06-14-2010 19:12 by Joser
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Why are they called "Starving Artists" instead of "Untalented Hippies"?
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06-14-2010 19:11 by Joser
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Looked over and saw a giant frickin' spider crawling on my shoulder, so if anyone needs me I'll be over here NEVER SLEEPING EVER AGAIN EVER.
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06-14-2010 19:11 by Joser
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Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for @ssholes.
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06-14-2010 19:10 by Joser
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I wish more people would put their highways up for adoption. So many people want one and are unable to have their own.
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06-14-2010 19:10 by Joser
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I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
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06-14-2010 19:09 by Joser
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My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !
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06-14-2010 17:16
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donated £5 to the African children in need appeal, what they spend it on? A fu@king annoying world cup trumpet!
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06-14-2010 17:09
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Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your bf or gf wants 2 leave u, they should give you 2wks notice. There should b severance pay, and b4 they leave u, they should have to find you a temp!!
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06-14-2010 15:46
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Everybody's tan will be so much darker this year.
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06-14-2010 15:14
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Just read that Jimmy Dean has died at age 81. RIP Instead of cremation his family has chosen to have him ground into a delicious breakfast sausage... Very touching
its so humid, is that oil I smell in the air?
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06-14-2010 14:39
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life can taste sour but god can make it sweet
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06-14-2010 14:36
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It's been observed that criminals who steal Viagra will face stiff penalties.
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06-14-2010 13:37
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President Obama misunderstood that today is Flag Day. He thought it was Hag Day and took Helen Thomas out to lunch.
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06-14-2010 13:18 by Bill
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upset about all of these celebrity deaths. First, Rue McClanahan, then, Gary Coleman, and now, Jimmy Dean. I guess you could summarize it as the loss of "sex, drugs, and sausage rolls"...