Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5828 of 6367

   messageicon how do you lose a war against a country that is not even formed yet? I do not know but just ask a Brit.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 15:43 Comments (1)  


   messageicon US troops went to Africa and built them houses and schools and then brought them food. The Africans smiled and said thanks for being the greatest country in the world.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonders why there's an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?!
←Rate | 06-22-2010 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The UK team visited a South African orphanage."Its so good to brighten up for these sad people who are in a hopeless situation," said 6 y/o Mbutu Niaryi.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 14:29 by SoccerNoob Comments (1)  


   messageicon When someone rings the doorbell...why do dogs always assume it's for them ???
←Rate | 06-22-2010 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 13:06 Comments (5)  


   messageicon Man who fish in other man's well, will problably get crabs!
←Rate | 06-22-2010 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever came up with that "lift with your knees and not with your back" idea is an idiot. Everybody knows that when it comes to lifting, the best way to do it is with your HANDS.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I eat Nerds and Dum Dums, I always follow up with a few packs of Smarties.That way everything evens out. :)
←Rate | 06-22-2010 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are only 3 steps to sleeping with alot of women. 1). Have your own place. 2). Have a bar in your place 3). HAVE NO STANDARDS
←Rate | 06-22-2010 12:01 by Tracy Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes diets would be easier....like a burger diet or a pizza diet...best would be alcohol diet....man I would dedicate my life to following interesting diets like that....goes without saying I meant if those diets help you lose weight....wow....god is u
←Rate | 06-22-2010 11:47 by sharath Comments (0)  


   messageicon World Cup fixtures: on Monday Argentina meets Brazil in Cape Town. On Tuesday Spain meets Italy in Johannesburg and on Wednesday England meets France at the AIRPORT !!!
←Rate | 06-22-2010 10:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so I was at a bar and saw a really hot girl, I decided to play it cute and went up to her with a corny pick up line. "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together." She looked at me disgusted and said, "Let's leave it the way it is wit
←Rate | 06-22-2010 10:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ust heard that half the French football team wants to throw up their hands in defeat and give up on World Cup while the other half of the team wants to join the Germans.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 09:48 Comments (1)  


   messageicon hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...
←Rate | 06-22-2010 08:16 by samdave69 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speed bumps should be called slow-down bumps. (I tells it like I see it.)
←Rate | 06-22-2010 07:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not perfect, but I'm better than your ex and gonna be better than your next.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.
←Rate | 06-22-2010 05:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left