Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5827 of 6369
I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it -- like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.
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06-23-2010 19:47
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finally figured out what mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.
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06-23-2010 19:36 by Joser
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remembers being a kid thinking "I wish dad would pull his pants down from below his shoulders." Now I wonder if my grandkids will be looking at my son thinking "I wish my dad would pull his pants off the ground."
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06-23-2010 18:52
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There is a very good chance that you don't understand probability.
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06-23-2010 18:34 by Joser
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Actions speak louder than words. Especially if that action is yelling.
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06-23-2010 18:34 by Joser
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I only talk sh*t when I'm strategically located near bouncers.
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06-23-2010 18:33 by Joser
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If a large group of lions is a Pride, what is a large group of housecats? Shame.
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06-23-2010 18:33 by Joser
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I'll bet the watch I left at home feels naked without me.
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06-23-2010 18:30 by Joser
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Observation: Any story that ends with "Anyway, it was really funny" is not really funny.
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06-23-2010 18:29 by Joser
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Try to keep your mind out of the gutter. Your body, too.
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06-23-2010 18:28 by Joser
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Please note that The Netherlands, Never-Neverland, and The Netherworld are three different places.
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06-23-2010 18:28 by Joser
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When I go to your place for the first time, unless you live in a castle, please dont ask me if I want a tour.
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06-23-2010 18:20 by Joser
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Driving to work would be so much better if I didn't always end up at work.
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06-23-2010 18:20 by Joser
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For sale: Mini large-screen TV. Save space! Only 27"! Also available: giant portable TV. A whopping 27"!
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06-23-2010 18:19 by Joser
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Saying irregardless makes you sound irridiculous.
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06-23-2010 18:19 by Joser
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I think I am going to try the Pizza, Chicken Fingers and Little Debbie diet. That's all my daughter eats and not an ounce of fat on her.
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06-23-2010 17:24
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I really hate people who breathe too hard... I can hear you breathing and that is a problem.
Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
going to snatch a kiss, or vice versa!
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06-23-2010 15:56
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Other countries would fear us more if, instead of a nickname for a holding cell, the "Drunk Tank" were an actual weapon.
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06-23-2010 15:40 by Leeferd
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