Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Trump was chosen to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, but he couldn’t go because of bone-spurs.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 13:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me: my cup runneth over... sperm bank receptionist: please take that off the counter.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me: hold me while I sleep anaesthesiologist: no
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were good years.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you found your wife or husband on a dating website, it’s only romantic if it isn’t 3 years after you got married.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine a world where everyone looked like their profile pictures.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taco Bell is selling fries. Burger King is selling tacos. KFC is putting Cheetos on chicken sandwiches. I knew we shouldn’t have legalized marijuana
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are there any medium rappers? They’re all lil’ or big.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No more edibles for me !! I just Put My ice cream In The Microwave And Entered My Pin Number.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 19:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Microwave manufacturers: we made a special button just in case you want to make popcorn in your microwave Popcorn manufacturers: you touch that button and we will burn the whole goddamn house down
←Rate | 08-24-2019 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does lemonade contain artificial flavors but furniture polish contain real lemons?
←Rate | 08-24-2019 09:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining to you why you're wrong.
←Rate | 08-24-2019 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Age is just a number, like 100 hours of Community Service.
←Rate | 08-24-2019 13:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old stoners don’t die. They blow this joint.
←Rate | 08-24-2019 13:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't blame me for the world's problems, I was practically raised by the Muppets as a kid.
←Rate | 08-24-2019 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I was so happy about David Koch kicking the bucket. Next time I'll try and be more tactful, like Trump was when McCain died.
←Rate | 08-24-2019 17:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Fat Acceptance Movement is the only movement without movement.
←Rate | 08-24-2019 19:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not telling you
←Rate | 08-24-2019 20:17 by Dan Comments (0)  




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