Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you ever notice that all lesbians look like Justin Bieber?

   Why did the chicken cross the road? It was trying to get a signal on it's IPhone 4.

   As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice.

   Don't spend your night watching porn and eating cheese balls

   How do you save justin bieber from drowning? YOU DON'T

   I believe in angels, The kind that heaven sends, I am surrounded by angels, But I call them friends.

   hoping that "number six" is the charm. Have another Slim Jim, Mr. Cheney!

   not say that my ex-wife is psychotic but Freddy Kruger asked me to hide the sleeping pills.

   Every illegal immigrant we catch here...We should harvest their stem cells, organs, bone marrow, bones,skin,and Eyes...Bet they won't be so froggy to jump the boarder when they see a guy with a dialysis machine standing there saying I want his kidneys!!!!

   I wonder if Toyota sent BP a Thank You note

   Dear Walmart: If your employees "appear" to be incredibly overweight, they ought to know that fitting in to a size 2 gives the wrong impression of your organization. I do not enjoy viewing what looks like to be a belly button when I approach an employee.

   Do you wanna know how Interesting Soccer is to the Average American? Let's See, I'll name the two soccer players I've ever heard of.. David Beckham and.. I think Rod Stewart Played years ago."

   Pessimists see the Glass as Half Empty, Optmisits as Half Full. Rationals see the Glass as two times bigger than necessary.

   celebrated Michael Jackson's Anniversary by taking the kids to Toy R Us...he woulda liked that...

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

   Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR,

   Have a status,leave one..need a status take one!

   why were the uruguayains yellow carded so much in the match against korea , coz they kept running over the parks

   no wonder the yanks have their own so called "american football" coz they don't know how to play the real football..

   the yanks crashed out of the world cup coz they weren't allowed to use their hands...