Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If my plane is about to crash, I doubt I'll be using my seat as a "flotation device." More likely, it's gonna be used as a toilet.

   making some changes in his life. If your not on my friends list any longer, you were one of the changes........

   If you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.

   The key to friendship is to accept the other person's faults. You'll understand this should I ever develop any.

   Twilight. Let's break it down. Twi= What Elmer Fudd is always doing. Twi'ing to hunt a wabbit. Light=Electromagnetic radiation of a wavelength that is visible to the eye. I think we can all agree that Elmer Fudd & Radiation should not be mixed.

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   People say hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anyone who "rested to death?"

   My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

   Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due..

   A friend in need is a PEST indeed

   Save Water. Take a bath with your neighbor's wife!

   Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.

   Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...

   The most powerful position is on your knees.

   What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

   tired of these rock bands all sounding the same. They should all just rename themselves "Puddle of NickelCreed."

   There's a guy sitting next to me on the plane that looks like Jesus Christ. Just handed him a bottle of water and said, "Merlot, please."

   Justin Bieber's from Canada dumbass! Your play England

   You can lose alot of money chasing women but you'll never lose women chasing money!!

   yeah and you have justin bieber......... your play america