Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think about you I play with my weiner!
←Rate | 01-01-2018 16:54 by Jimmied Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am starting a GoFundMe to buy popcorn tomorrow night at the movies
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just saw a fox trying to jump-start another fox.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon - 2018 starts with a full moon - 2018 is the year of the dog I’m onto you, werewolves.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heard there was a kidnapping at the school. Untill the teacher woke him up.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 01:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon So cold don's toupee flew south for the winter
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon On new year's eve while counting down the last 10 seconds, I lift my left leg so I'll start the new year out on the right foot.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 04:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s so cold, I saw chickens lined up outside KFC waiting their turn in the deep fryer.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a hipster wearing socks because it’s so cold.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 05:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless you had yourself cloned, I don't want to hear any of this "New Year, New Me" crap.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 10:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just ate a box of stove top stuffing in my underwear while laying on the couch. So if you're looking to me for something inspirational, you should probably look elsewhere.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 12:40 by JohnY Comments (0)  


   messageicon We all have a machine in our house that sets itself on fire when it gets cold and we're all ok with that!
←Rate | 01-02-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon College football is important but a college education is importanter!
←Rate | 01-02-2018 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had ice cream without sprinkles on top. Diets are so hard.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 16:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?
←Rate | 01-02-2018 19:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to practice changing 7's into 8's
←Rate | 01-02-2018 19:57 Comments (0)  


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