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Starting a band called “Get Off The Stage” so I can pretend everybody’s cheering me on
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08-10-2019 08:30
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: Turn ons include knobs, faucets, buttons, handles, cranks, and ignitions.
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08-10-2019 08:32
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Establish dominance at the dentist by trying to swallow everything they put in your mouth
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08-10-2019 12:55
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Area 51? I thought we were all gonna storm Forever 21.
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08-10-2019 12:55
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"Area 15? I'm in!!" R Kelly, probably.
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08-10-2019 16:31
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Super Mario made me go looking for gold coins by smashing bricks with my head.
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08-10-2019 20:07
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If you were surprised by jeffrey Epstein's suicide, just imagine how surprised he was!
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08-10-2019 21:56
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Not Smoking anymore. I Put My Food In The Microwave And Entered My Pin Number
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08-10-2019 23:11
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I Saw A White Boy In Walmart Looking Mad ....So I Left
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08-11-2019 04:47
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I wish I was a manager at Disneyland. I'd start every meeting by saying "What kind of a Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
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08-11-2019 10:51
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WOW! I can't believe the Guard who was guarding Jeffery Epstein was killed in an automobile accident - Tomorrow or Monday!
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08-11-2019 16:00 by
Fluff!!
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Gee, I wonder what idiot hired a guy who had to be “terminated in 11 days from a position he was totally in capable of handling.” What kind of moron gives people government jobs that they have no skill set to handle?
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08-11-2019 22:25
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Laundry: Washing - 30 min Drying - 1 hour Putting away - 7 to 10 days
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08-12-2019 06:46
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Autocorrect changed “bible” to “bourbon” and that should tell you everything you need to know about me
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08-12-2019 08:32
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besides smashing their face with a hammer, any other cures for snoring?
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08-12-2019 08:32
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: The only indoor security camera that I have is inside my fridge, I want to capture the face of whoever steals my cheesecake.
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08-12-2019 08:33
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My husband is bringing our puppy to the Farmer's Market to socialize her. I am staying home and adding vodka to my coffee to socialize me.
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08-12-2019 08:34
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My Chinese neighbor man was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner last night. But someone let the "cat" out of the bag.
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08-13-2019 06:58
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Welcome to the Resistance, Scaramucci. Better late than never.
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08-13-2019 07:00
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A friend is typing..... A grand is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... Friend says lol
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08-13-2019 08:22 by
Moon
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