Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Couldnt get into the Maury show so I went to our local trailor park.

   my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

   I drank too much and blew Chunks. Unfortunately, Chunks is my dog.

   Life sucks... Wife won't......

   I have kleptomania. When it gets really bad, I take something for it.

   There's plenty of room for all God's creatures... right next to the mashed potatoes.

   you know you were raised Catholic if... while watching Star Wars you hear "may the force be with you" and you respond "and also with you".

   What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

   It's a shame that Ghana's Asamoah Gyan couldn't score a sure thing like Bill Clinton would have!

   Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun, And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son

   convinced "The Shake Weight" was invented by a man, so as to give the rest of us guys something fun to watch on TV.

   BP FINALLY stopped the oil leak. They just put a huge wedding ring on top of it and it instantly stopped putting out

   BREAKING NBA NEWS: LeBron James has decided to go with Team Jacob

   Going to Mickey D's in the morning. I am pleased to know that my food is already cooked, and will sit under heat lamps until I get there. Yum.....

   I'm not having a kid until they come with built-in mute buttons.

   it's canada day, so to all my canadian followers out there I say, "happy fourth of july in three days."

   I'm not at all ashamed to admit that I pick my hotels solely based upon the items they show in the pictures of their continental breakfast.

   whenever I see a guy that looks better then me, I immediately get intimadated that he's gonna take all the girls from me, but later I find out there not into girls. so, it all works out."

   Brazil Play KAKA .. Ah bet Brazilians fans are real MELO now

   Dosnt Suffer From Insanity X Enjoy Every Minute Of It :))