Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Epstein likes his women like he likes his scotch. 12 years old with coke.
←Rate | 07-13-2019 23:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1. Lemon 2. Ice 3. Me Things my wife doesn't want in cider
←Rate | 07-14-2019 06:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, Grandma; you can’t pull a Basic Instinct for extra potatoes at the retirement home.
←Rate | 07-14-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before writing "Thanks but maybe next time!" I should make sure those Facebook invides aren't for a wedding.
←Rate | 07-14-2019 14:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
←Rate | 07-15-2019 06:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Space aliens are taking our jobs. This is why we need to ransack Area 51.
←Rate | 07-15-2019 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All gave some. Some gave all. One had bone spurs.
←Rate | 07-15-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Antifa .. same party, same tactics, different hood
←Rate | 07-15-2019 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon first we need a "space force" then later on, there isn't alien activity at area 51
←Rate | 07-16-2019 08:06 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Summer, live a little and drop an unwrapped Baby Ruth candy bar in someone’s swimming pool.
←Rate | 07-16-2019 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a very fine line between "I'm not doing anything ight now except looking at Facebook" and "I'm not doing anything right now because I'm looking at my Facebook"
←Rate | 07-16-2019 10:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they would raid a job fair like area 51 ..nahhh that will not happen.
←Rate | 07-16-2019 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel as lonely and unwanted as the zucchini in the break room
←Rate | 07-16-2019 17:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now IKEA is closing its plant and moving to Europe. So much winning....
←Rate | 07-16-2019 20:48 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I ever choke to death eating these gummy bears will one of you please do me a favor and just post on my wall "He was killed by bears!" and just leave it at that.
←Rate | 07-16-2019 22:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop naming hospitals after dead people. I'm mean give us some hope? Where is the Keith Richards Memorial Hospital?
←Rate | 07-17-2019 07:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I opened the face app to make myself look old and it just booted up my GPS app and gave me directions to a mirror
←Rate | 07-17-2019 08:56 by WhyNot Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations to #FACEAPP for making eleventy billion dollars in 24 hours by making us look older on purpose.
←Rate | 07-17-2019 11:10 by JosephReed Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to read it because I don't want to change the way I look at a certain someone.
←Rate | 07-17-2019 12:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks to Facebook me and my friend's can now send each other invites and make plans months in advance like we're going on an expedition to the upper reaches of Mongolia to get together for a cup of coffee.
←Rate | 07-17-2019 21:50 by Moon Comments (0)  




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