Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5800 of 6367

   messageicon Lets just paint a happy little red wave right here ~Bob Ross~
←Rate | 06-19-2019 15:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money will change me I don't wanna lie. So please enjoy me while I am still broke.
←Rate | 06-20-2019 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You've officially reached your middle ages when you have a meat trap between two teeth...
←Rate | 06-20-2019 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I start every day with Cap'n Crunch, and end every day with Captain Morgan because apparently I want to be a Pirate..
←Rate | 06-21-2019 09:19 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm giving myself a medal for taking care of a problem I created in the first place.
←Rate | 06-22-2019 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was talking to the local kids last night, telling them they are ruining what our fore father's created. One kid said, "my mom sleeps around but I ain't got four fathers!". I shook my head and got his mom's number.
←Rate | 06-22-2019 17:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon (eats exactly one apple) where is my health you wretched orb!
←Rate | 06-23-2019 22:16 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was arrested by a policeman for sitting in the park not doing anything. The charge was impersonating a politician.
←Rate | 06-24-2019 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon anybody knows the booking agent to DR? its for my ex
←Rate | 06-24-2019 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cable guys was just in my neighborhood, asked me what time it was.. I said between 8am-1pm..
←Rate | 06-24-2019 15:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon To clarify: teachers are not "off for the summer", they are in recovery. ‬
←Rate | 06-25-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least Buffalo Bill gave his prisoners lotion and a basket.
←Rate | 06-26-2019 00:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cannot believe Monday got the audacity to be tomorrow..
←Rate | 06-26-2019 03:33 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give that man two medals! One for being an idiot and another in case he loses the first one.
←Rate | 06-26-2019 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Still waiting to use “y=mx + b” in real life
←Rate | 06-26-2019 17:09 by Jmath Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what Mark Zuckerberg does to kill time?
←Rate | 06-27-2019 16:42 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Based on how much my body cracks and pops when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm about 74% Rice Krispies.
←Rate | 06-27-2019 20:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever designed my new phone that uses power to light up, beep and shake on and off for 15 minutes or so before it dies should be fired.
←Rate | 06-28-2019 02:22 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sweating like Joe Biden around an unsupervised child
←Rate | 06-28-2019 18:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to see a chiropractor. It was about a week back.
←Rate | 06-28-2019 19:40 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left