Funny Status Messages

   I am addicted to buying old Beatles' albums. Does anyone know where I can get Help?

   If a medieval musician had a bicycle, would it be called a Minstrel Cycle?

   Coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc, This is why I don't give eeffoc until I've had my coffee!

   If anyone wants to come and talk about why my heating bills are sky high - the door is always open

   My wife told me to get rid of my Hall & Oates collection. I told her I can't go for that.

   I just bought a crappy car that was made in Prague. The Czech engine light keeps coming on.

   I'm sure not many Brits are relieved May ended before May ended

   Paradox: When you get two pairs of Doc Martin shoes for your birthday.

   I have spend so much money on buying different clothes...without realizing the best moments of my life are spent without them.

   If you're really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.

   Ain’t nobody going to treat me like the celery on a HotWing plate

   [laying on the couch this morning] Wife: I’d rather shave my poison Ivy covered legs and douse with paint thinner while listening to Nickelback. Me: ...a simple, “I have a headache” would’ve been fine.

   Did you know that coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc, which explains why I don't really give eeffoc about many thngs until I'm finish drinking it.

   I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m

   If Lassie was a cat, little Timmy would've died in that well...

   Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard. Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.

   Do rednecks get fatter so they can have bigger tattoos?

   mike pence’s full name is mechanical pencil

   My anxiety has canceled more plans than bad weather.

   Going back to your ex is like reheating McDonald’s fries