Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jesus Christ is on Twitter with 159,933 followers & following None.. lol

   Tip to reduce weight: first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right, repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

   I guess Einstein was on Acid when he derived E=mc²

   so broke, the bank manager came and took the calendar back...

   Apparently German research labs are giving away octopus meat

   I've lost my mind, if you find it please put it back in the gutter..

   Love me or Hate me...either way you still have a feeling for me!!

   Song # 1 in Lebron's Ipod is.....I'm In MIAMI B**CH!

   When something begins to grow in your toilet resembling seaweed, it does not make you an "eco-friendly champion of the environment," but it's a nice spin on your lack of housekeeping.

   First "The Drive" then "The Shot" now "The Decision". Cleveland is offically curse.

   Why does this baby gravy always have to stick to my eyes

   They say you never know what you have till you lose it, You promise your girl something you better do it, You can't tell a woman you love her are you stupid, Words don't express you love you got to prove it

   haha yeah dude she talks about you all the time . .. . . she hates you..

   You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but if you fight your biology, you always lose.

   It feels good not to have any feelings.

   Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.

   It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." I'm talking to you Twi-hards & Beliebers.

   I don't take compliments well. Or criticism. You know what, just don't talk to me.

   After all these years, I'm surprised nobody at CSI has found the light switch in their office.

   How is lindsay lohan ever gonna find a good woman when she is jail? wait....... this might just work out.