Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't know what I'd do without facebook. But I'm sure it would be something more productive.
←Rate | 03-05-2019 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I see one those signs handing on a telephone pole saying "Work From Home! Make Great Money! It's Easy! Call 1800 yada yada yada I can't help but think, if it's so easy why's someone out there working so hard hanging signs?
←Rate | 03-05-2019 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you love your wife if you've ever written a hush money check to a porn star on Valentine's day.
←Rate | 03-05-2019 15:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hoping the next big Trend will be modesty.
←Rate | 03-05-2019 19:20 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, and the box of chocolate chip cookies preferably within arm's reach.
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:20 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  


   messageicon Demi Moore is French for half a Moore.
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:21 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have severe attachment issues. I struggle with attaching my keys to my key chain.
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:22 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  


   messageicon If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:24 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  


   messageicon AOC = arrogant obnoxious chick
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:25 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I have a very rigid exercise routine, involving daily jogs to the fridge to see what I have to eat.
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:25 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  


   messageicon It looks like you're trying to defend someone's policies, would you like to turn on Caps Lock and disable spell check?
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our first lady will be doing a live show. Will there be a pole involved?
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:38 Comments (8)  


   messageicon Welcome to your 40s, you don’t even know why but you’re angry.
←Rate | 03-07-2019 07:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die I hope my life doesn't really flash before my eyes. There is some $h!t from my past I'd rather not see again.
←Rate | 03-07-2019 10:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you fill a Whoopee cushion with gravy it adds a new twist to a classic practical joke.
←Rate | 03-07-2019 14:03 by sharky Comments (0)  


   messageicon daylight saving time starts sunday. Translation tired for a week.
←Rate | 03-07-2019 16:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daddy, do I really need secret security clearance to give the president a hand job?
←Rate | 03-07-2019 16:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elvis Presley moved Priscilla to his house when she was 14 years old. Where's the outrage over this?
←Rate | 03-07-2019 19:21 Comments (8)  


   messageicon News flash for Jack and Jill: You don't go uphill to find water.
←Rate | 03-08-2019 08:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had the most amazing dream of my life last night I feel as if was like a revelation that could change my life and possibly the lives of millions of people around the world for the better forever! if I could just remember what it was about?
←Rate | 03-08-2019 14:41 Comments (1)  




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