Funny Status Messages

   not feeling so good I got chocolate wasted last night.

   I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.

   Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome

   I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.

   The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.

   OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.

   No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.

   She wanted to be friends with benefits, but I said no because she didn't offer dental.

   I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.

   Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.

   I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

   I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.

   We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are

   it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?

   Wondering what chickens think frogs taste like.

   stop making excuses and start finding the reasons to do things , the only limitation is your imagination and YOU !!

   just saw Eclipse and can't believe it took 3 movies (and 2 actresses) to kill off that b*tch Victoria! And Jacob - get a clue, you stalker!

   wondering if Bob Sheppard is up in heaven going " Now passing... thru the Gates of Heaven... Yankees owner... George Steinbrenner!" R.I.P. =P

   "Id rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not"

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't speel.