Funny Status Messages

   Do you even know what the word "impeach" means? Hint: It does NOT mean getting kicked out of office.

   We need to start thinking about the world we'll leave behind for Betty White when we're all gone.

   With his short term memory he may not remember colluding with putin

   I would rather trust a billionaire who becomes a politician than a politician who becomes a billionaire.

   "Can I get a coke please?" "Nope is pepsi ok" "Do you do updog?" "What's updog?" " Not much...and no pepsi is not ok".

   You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window

   They shouldn't have named it a baggage carousel if they didn't want me to ride it.

   How long do you wait before you introduce your girlfriend to your child? For arguments sake let’s say you’ve been dating for 3 years and the child is 6 weeks old.

   Career advice for young people: be born to filthy rich parents.

   I smile at dogs more than I smile at people.

   People say “the early bird gets the worm.” But everyone freaks out when I drink tequila at 8am

   That moment, when your jerk boss says they are resigning. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

   If you are paying $3.00 for Smart Water, it isn't working.

   The Early Bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

   People on the Left are like an old TV Set. They have to be slapped occasionally to get the picture.

   I ran into my ex the other day...hit reverse...and ran into her again.

   Met a lady yesterday...It was love at first sight...Then I took a second look !!

   Daffy donald maked another gaffe. He cheers the faithful for "abolition of civil rights." Or did he ?

   Baby Lives Matter!

   I miss having a grown up for a president.