Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon How embarrassing. First day of Chinese New Year, and I just wrote "Dog" on a check instead of "Pig".
←Rate | 02-05-2019 14:32 by DC Comments (1)  


   messageicon Prison guards and security are just a waste of money. All prisons only needs walls.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 15:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 16:03 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people get angry when you say F you, or give them the finger ? But not when you say srrew you or up yours ? Don't they all mean the same thing ?
←Rate | 02-05-2019 16:40 by Just.asking Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish having a friend with benefits meant I had a friend who'd be willing to marry me so I wouldn't have to keep paying dearly for my own insurance.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 16:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's day, then the side chick is you.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 17:10 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of Valentine's day, is the next days 50% off sale on the box chocolate candy.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 17:14 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I called the cops on my own Super Bowl party so everyone would leave.
←Rate | 02-05-2019 18:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!
←Rate | 02-05-2019 19:16 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling for compromise, but only if it's on your own terms. How is that compromise?
←Rate | 02-06-2019 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's on my mind is what do I need to do today besides waste time looking at Facebook?
←Rate | 02-06-2019 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After owning my phone for almost a year I finally figured out how to make the fonts bigger, which will make walking easier.
←Rate | 02-06-2019 21:54 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chloroform is my favorite essential oil.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 05:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Ain't no psychotic meltdowns, either...
←Rate | 02-07-2019 11:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime I lose a sock I gain a Tupperware lid.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 15:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gave This Homeless Man $5 And Told Him Not 2 Buy Drugs With It and This dude Got The Nerve To Say "Don't Tell Me What To Do With My Money
←Rate | 02-07-2019 17:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who confuse the word "burro" and "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 19:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but fathers always want to play with them.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 20:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone not doing anything except looking at Facebook, or not doing anything because you're looking at Facebook, want to hang out?
←Rate | 02-08-2019 00:14 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honesty is the best policy but it makes for a lousy defense in court.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 06:53 Comments (0)  




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