Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I wish God wouldn't have hidden all of my talents so well...
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07-14-2010 17:16 by Joser
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Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
Didn't lock my car last night and there was a homeless guy asleep in it this morning.
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07-14-2010 17:13 by Joser
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Will too much skin lightening cream turn you invisible?
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07-14-2010 17:13 by Joser
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Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
The good thing about being 6' 1" is that no one will see my bald patch... Unless you're using Google Earth...
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07-14-2010 17:09 by Joser
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My job on Fridays: Working just hard enough that the screen-saver doesn't come on.
Why is it that the people who tell you to relax are almost always the source of your anxiety?
Facebook is becoming the grown-up version of the "Do you like me? Yes. No. Circle one" letter we passed around in grade school.
I wish God wouldn't have hidden all of my talents so well...
Had two beers after work with friends, and when I say two I mean pitchers and when I say friends I mean a$$holes I work with.
"You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think."
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07-14-2010 16:28
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Experts took a poll asking what part of the women do men notice first. The results stated 73% of men said women's eyes. Yea right, that's why we have a large food chain called "Pupils"
I've got a time machine. I get in and it takes me seven hours into the future. I call it......a bed.
procrastination is when people say goodnight to facebook.
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07-14-2010 15:06
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This just in...Steinbrenner tells Jesus he has 3 days to cut his hair and shave his beard or he will be benched
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07-14-2010 14:50
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A Canadian is an unarmed American with health insurance.
Lying about my age is easier now that I sometimes forget what it is.
my friend told me he just got a new walk-in shower so I had to ask, how the hell did you get in it before?
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07-14-2010 13:09
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