Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'd like to be a bird, not for the freedom and beauty of flight...I just want to be able to sh*t on people like a WWII bomber pilot.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 17:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why are men so smart during sex? because hes plugged into a genius
←Rate | 07-22-2010 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Flying Spaghetti Book: Garlic 3:16, And the Flying Spaghetti Monster so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and that who so ever should believe in him should not perish but have everlasting pasta, rAmen.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:48 by Tracy Comments (0)  


   messageicon went into BP after getting subway. and spilled my slushy all over the floor. and yelled "YOU DONT LIKE HOW THAT FEEELS HUH!" and left.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funny how people get easily buzzed about the new iphone and droid phones. Meanwhile, China and Japan are sitting back laughing at us with their better (possible) 5G phones.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:25 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because they don't need a clean car to get laid.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This girl I know is thinking about havin beer pong at her reception... that's walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only thing about having bags under your eyes is that I can never find any shoes to match :(
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 15:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon this is just a test. Had this been a real status update, it would of consisted of babbling of an idiot rambling on about monkeys and their banana eating ways. We thank you for participating in this test.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's a real shot to the ego when you join a internet dating site and can't get a date
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WANTED: Schrödinger's Cat - Dead and Alive
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a doctor ever prescribed you anti depressants its a great chance you don't need a FaceBook
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:14 by CS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't stand when people quote music lyrics in their status. we know how the song goes, we already heard it 500 million times on the radio. but "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars," "ops I did it again," "somebody call 9
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..poked in the heart and you're to blame..you give Facebook a bad name..
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon dear science, thanks for all your contributions lately, but is there a chance we can get some windshield wiper fluid infused birds anytime soon? Thanks:)
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:10 by levon Comments (0)  


   messageicon locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:25 by derek Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Word: Procrastibation - Needing to do something important like laundry, but decide that getting off is more important!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 12:15 Comments (0)  




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