Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5745 of 6369
was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger...and then it hit me
just two away from a threesome
Computer games don't effect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected kids, we'll all be around darkened rooms munching magic pills, listening to repetitive electronic music.
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07-23-2010 00:45 by savio
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...it's not you, it's me. I don't like you
thinks if you have a chip on your shoulder, you're missing your mouth.
fed up with all the emails I keep getting on how to enlarge my penis, particularly since I'm a woman...so I've forwarded them to my ex.
feeling politely confrontational this evening. Would anyone care for a piece of me?
not remotely sober. Nor am I sober up close.
has often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor
always wanted to be somebody. Now she realises that she should have been more specific.
a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.
cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
thinks there should be a Facebook button that says "I liked your status until every man and his dog decided to comment on it".
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
There are 3 kinds of people in the world. One is the solution to the problem, one is the problem, while the other is wondering what was the problem???
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07-23-2010 00:32 by Corey C
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thinks that iPad is an iPod for fat people.
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07-23-2010 00:01
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realized that a dog is truly a mans best friend. Locked the dog and the wife in the car boot for 1hour. Guess who was happy to see me and who wasn't??
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07-22-2010 23:31 by samdave69
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People who say I am hard to shop for evidently don't know where to buy beer.
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07-22-2010 22:49 by JW
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made two batches of brownies at a friend's house, one plain and one special. accidentally brought the wrong batch home to my very mormon mother. she's laughing her ass off at george carlin right now
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07-22-2010 22:26
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There's a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.