Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When going through airport customs and you are asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "why, what do you need?"
←Rate | 07-22-2010 22:16 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 22:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got back from a mile long walk in your shoes and I still think you're a douche bag
←Rate | 07-22-2010 22:14 by status stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should shake this guy's hand, but I don't want to put down my beer, and honestly, I've known the beer at least 5 minutes longer.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 22:14 by status stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being out of shape takes the pressure off at the gym. When that pretty girls winks in your direction, you can be sure it's the toned guy behind you.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wish you were here w/me n my room, on my bed, lights off, under my sheets. So that I can show you my new watch dat glows n da dark!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:39 by captainate Comments (0)  


   messageicon no those pants don't make you look fat, it's your ass that makes you look fat.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do ducks play "me, me, goose"?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:31 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:30 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been to jail, but I did get stuck in a pair of skinny jeans at an American Eagle once.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:30 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon $3.88 until my Visa is maxed out. I'm struggling between the #4 at Burger King or shampoo.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:29 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more I think about the lack of thought I put into thinking makes me wonder what was I thinking.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:29 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many times do I have to roll my eyes to burn any calories?
←Rate | 07-22-2010 21:28 by Status Stalker Comments (0)  


   messageicon thanx to my ex GF,I now have to shave between eyebrows because "stupid me" let her wax there one nite for sh*ts and giggles
←Rate | 07-22-2010 20:53 by twizzler Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!
←Rate | 07-22-2010 20:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like I hit rock bottom...bouncer at the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 19:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks rap promotes punching, boastfulness, and disrespect toward ho's.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon she's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice..yup, I'd still hit it
←Rate | 07-22-2010 19:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 19:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have Bieber Fever. I listened to a song by Justin Bieber and now have a 103 degree temperature, I'm throwing up, and have a huge headache.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 17:44 by jdpower Comments (0)  




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