Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ellen DeGeneres finds it hard to judge people and hurt their feeling so she is leaving American Idol. Producers have put in a call to Mel Gibson.

   if I had a peso for every lame mafia wars update you posted this week, I could afford to put a real hit on your azz!

   I think I see a light through the tunnel...hope its my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   yeah she was hot...til she opened up her mouth and the trailer fell out

   Im better at sex than anyone; now all I need is a partner.

   playing 'call of duty' on my laptop on the plane was a bad idea

   Do you ever look at girls' pictures on facebook and feel them up with your cursor??? --uhhh, either do i!

   Has come to the conclusion that the weekend is a man, it comes too quick then you don't hear from it for a week!!

   So, was Snooki taken to juvie??

   i like kids, but I dont think I could eat a whole one

   You looked good until you said something stupid!!!

   sent my mom a text asking if she wanted to get pedis today but iPhone auto corrected it to penis...awkward.

   if you have trouble tying knots...handcuffs make the perfect gift

   Due to the success of Toy story 3. BP are in talks to release, "Try Finding Nemo Now".

   New Year's eve practice tonight

   wonderong how long you should wait before you should tell a highway it's adopted

   looks arent everything, but they sure do help

   GIRLS are so hard to understand.... If you go out with your boyz = ur too much of a player. If you want to be with them a lot = ur too needy .. WTF !

   I think it's pretty funny that people don't have a problem hitting the key pad several times to type out statuses, but FLIP OUT and start talking about starting farms on fire and killing animals instead of just hitting the one key "ignore" on a farm requ

   If you dont like being tailgated then dont play movies I like.