Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   damn mu gigantic thumbs on this litle blavkbetry keyborsd

   If you don't like my words, don't listen. If you don't like my appearance, don't look. If you don't like my actions, turn your head; It's as simple as that.

   best way to start a day is with a happy ending!!

   its not that I cant do a rubiks cube its just your colorblind.. :)

   just read that burglars use Facebook to find out when people aren't home... so from now on, i'm at home, with a knife, and a hungry alligator (:

   now playing "Ice Ice Baby" Dont Judge Me

   I hate it when at the drive thru they give you 2 packs of sauce sauce for a 10 nuggets, but 2 packs of ketchup for a large fry! WTF?!

   Drag racing would be a lot more fun if I didn't have to wear a dress.

   Charles Rangel has been accused of 13 violations of Congressional ethical standards. I'm surprised that Congress has ethics standards.

   - I've had so many f**king blind dates recently....I should be eligible to a free dog...

   Ladies If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, then you ain't as cute as you think you are

   "Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery or use Facebook while under the influence of medication"

   I don't care if it's rude to stare, you are hot, so I will stare.

   Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in.

   Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired.

   Facebook — where you always have something better to do, but don't.

   I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.

   It should be illegal to have humility as awesome as mine is.

   I was just about to say "we're all adults here" in a status update and then I came to my senses.

   You know what's awesome about working out? Not a damn thing.