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I’m “imma keep this box cuz it looks like a good box” years old.
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08-23-2018 15:14
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I had a protein shake for breakfast and now I communicate only by flipping tables.
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08-23-2018 15:20
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Leaving your window open for an hour in the summertime and then the cast from f*@k!?g bug's Life start producing their second film!!
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08-23-2018 18:27 by
Stevielea
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Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"
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08-23-2018 18:32 by
Stevielea
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If the baby ain't yo color, Ya ain't the Daddy Brotha !
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08-23-2018 22:12
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I'm not the one who spent $600 on a first class ticket for my pet rabbit. Blame my wife!!
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08-24-2018 09:43 by
YouWho
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ATTENTION: Due to BBQ setbacks, my ripped beach body Will be postponed another year. Thank you for understanding.
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08-24-2018 09:50 by
Stevielea
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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08-25-2018 03:47
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What does it mean when you drink an entire bottle of gin by yourself?
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08-25-2018 04:14
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I'm afraid if I start working out I'll be too sexy
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08-25-2018 06:17
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It's funny, when my wife gives me the silent treatment. She actually thinks it's a punishment.
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08-25-2018 18:36 by
Haha
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being #1 isn't always the best, the most popular pencil is #2 .
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08-25-2018 19:31
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Alexa, break up with my girlfriend for me. Alexa: You don’t have a girlfriend. Wow you’re fast.
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08-26-2018 04:47
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Cop: You ran someone over. What was your motive? Me: Auto.
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08-26-2018 05:33
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I never drink because I wouldn't want to appear relaxed or approachable.
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08-26-2018 05:34
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I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
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08-26-2018 05:38
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Every dog has it's day . . . mine has his on the first day of March at H&R Block and usually ends up with a huge tax refund!
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08-26-2018 16:38
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Australia Doesn't Exist And People Who Live There Are Actors Paid By NASA.
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08-26-2018 22:45
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For National Dog Day, I told my neighbor's dog to get out of my yard. It's National Dog Day, not take a dump in your neighbors yard day.
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08-26-2018 22:45 by
BigToe
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You know, I have never been told not to come to a funeral, have you?
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08-27-2018 01:24
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