Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
←Rate | 07-19-2018 13:27 Comments (2)  


   messageicon In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 14:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if the Russians really did hack the elections and foiled the Left's plan to rig the election and now they are mad at Trump
←Rate | 07-19-2018 16:03 Comments (7)  


   messageicon To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You've got my Word.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 07:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so poor growing up that we couldn't afford hamburger helper so we bought beef assistant.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 11:29 by R.Riley Comments (0)  


   messageicon The music band, Queen, said they misspoke on one of their song lyrics. They meant to say, We WON'T Rock You.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what other phone calls Cohen has recorded?
←Rate | 07-20-2018 16:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Why is trump so hard on fake news? After fake news is what got him elected.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 20:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 20:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Read a weather book about rainbows called Rainbows by Sunny Showers."
←Rate | 07-20-2018 21:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.
←Rate | 07-20-2018 22:42 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 03:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up
←Rate | 07-21-2018 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An apple a day is bull crap.... Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:42 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just BUY the klondike bar. What's the big deal?
←Rate | 07-22-2018 09:44 Comments (0)  




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