Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the Beastie Boys were really close because they would finish each other’s sentences.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry..
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. It's when you try to put them in the trunk that they start to freak out.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just sold a lawnmower on Craigslist...last time my neighbor will wake me up on a Saturday morning!
←Rate | 07-18-2018 20:11 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Texbook: a tex message that way too long.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 22:32 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 00:30 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab people with my head.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there was such a thing as a tax on brains Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would be due a refund.
←Rate | 07-19-2018 08:24 Comments (0)  




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