Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5697 of 6369
dont waste your time , because time is money, and money is awesome , so dont waste your awesome
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08-11-2010 14:07 by ANGELA
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I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am...
found $20 under my bed ! my God, my room is so desperate to be cleaned, it's paying me. THE PLAN WORKED
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08-11-2010 13:55 by ANGELA
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was just thinking if God didn't want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter…maybe thats why the Trex was always so angry?
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08-11-2010 13:53 by ANGELA
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Sharkweek is over, jackass. Humming the theme song to 'Jaws' when the boss is approaching our aisle is no longer funny.
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08-11-2010 13:50
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If I don't appear to be listening to you, don't take it personal. I am just not interested in what you're saying.
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08-11-2010 13:07 by Dane
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I wasn't born or thrust into greatness; I just had the tools and a choice...
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
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08-11-2010 12:56
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Judge has got a stutter so it doesn't look like I'm getting a sentence.
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08-11-2010 12:49
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As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.
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08-11-2010 12:47
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There's a little Truth behind every JK, a little Curiosity behind every JW, a little Knowledge behind every IDK, and a little Emotion behind every IDC
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08-11-2010 12:41 by ViiKToR
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I don't take drugs. I'm not even an athlete
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08-11-2010 12:41
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Star Wars: A very long time ago but somehow still in the future
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08-11-2010 12:39
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How come Batman doesn't sleep upside down?
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08-11-2010 12:35
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If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?
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08-11-2010 12:22 by Leeferd
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Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.
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08-11-2010 12:22
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The WHO has declared the flu pandemic officially over. It's good news but I'm not sure I trust Roger Daltry.
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08-11-2010 11:18
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wondering what they are saying behind my back
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08-11-2010 10:58 by anonymous
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I think I'm missing a point :| ----->>> ... .....
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08-11-2010 10:46
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statistically, you're twice as likely to be killed by a tipped vending machine than by a shark attack. which makes me wonder why there isn't a "vending machine week"
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08-11-2010 08:23
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