Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think Melania deserves a 130,000 dollar shopping spree for her birthday.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are GOOD COPS and BAD COPS. It is time for more people to shout out the BAD cops and thank the GOOD cops.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 20:28 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Laugh now, but one day you will be so mad when another car cuts you off and you shake your fist out the window at some robot driver
←Rate | 04-29-2018 20:33 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I was a kid I’ve had a fear of being scared.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Jong Un took a port a potty with him on his trip to Soth Korea because he was afraid foreign spies may want to steal his poop.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 04:29 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I have yet to see a clear toaster so that I can see how well my toast has been toasted... you have seen one???
←Rate | 04-30-2018 04:42 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Trump: Once stated in a speech "If you are innocent, why would you take the 5th amendnent." So he must think his lawyer Cohen is guilty.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 05:15 by HaHa Comments (2)  


   messageicon If things are slippery when wet, then why is it so hard to get socks on my wet feet?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 10:01 by Rupert Comments (0)  


   messageicon That will be the last time they let Carrot Top speak at the White House correspondents' dinner.....
←Rate | 04-30-2018 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This inkblot looks exactly like a hen-pecked husband who has no idea how to pay all of this month's bills
←Rate | 04-30-2018 11:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Carrot top gave the greatest performance the White House correspondents' dinner has ever seen. Greatest ever!
←Rate | 04-30-2018 12:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funniest joke in Infinity War was Thor revealing his fluency in "I am Groot" because it was an elective course in Asgardian schools
←Rate | 04-30-2018 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t let this distract you from the fact The Avengers blew a 5-1 stone lead in the Infinity Wars.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 12:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My bank account is a pit stop where money comes to hold its breath before proceeding to where it was destined for.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 13:48 by JohnY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Personal care products for men: This bottle contains body gel, shampoo, conditioner and moisterizer. For women: This bottle contains treatment for your left knee. For right knee products, check Aisle 7.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever my wife wants me to do something, she casually mentions it needs to be done like 49 times, hoping I will pick up the hints. Has not worked so far.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kid just found an Easter egg in the back yard, if you want to know how often I do yard work.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 17:51 by Jake Comments (0)  




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