Funny Status Messages

   Why do you sterilize needles for lethal injection?

   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

   Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,you can be pretty sure they're not using it.

   it is unbelievable how much hair I'm pulling outta my nose, I wonder If I can sell it to the people who make wigs...

   I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   When convincing your kid to take his/her medicine, don't taste it yourself before checking the prescription info. Your kid won't understand that daddy only made himself throw up in the sink because he's allergic.

   Vegetarians - My food sh**ts on your food........

   In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead....

   supports the rights of the Jedi to build a temple, but does it have to be two parsecs from the ruins of the Death Star?

   buying an oompa loompa on E-bay

   my armor has been a little tarnished but trust me I'm still a shinning prince.

   children shopping for cereal are like men shopping for lingerie; they don't care which kind they get as long as they get the prize inside!!

   says it's no wonder the Earth ALWAYS wins the Miss Universe Competition....No other planet has EVER entered the competition!

   to AVOID any embarassing incidents...I've equipped my BEER GOGGLES with windshield wipers.

   I'll never have one of those cathartic cries. I'll just let it out in bits during sports montages.

   Suggested cough medicine flavor: gazpacho.

   "Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished.

   the taser is a perfect law enforcement tool. the lovechild of the nightstick, the pistol, and the car battery

   i think when "the old fashioned" was invented, it was probably called "the new fangled"

   Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.