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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
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04-17-2018 04:48
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Listen here, Life isn't measured by how many likes we get, but rather the moments that take our likes away
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04-17-2018 04:49
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If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
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04-17-2018 04:49
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If you don't like my Facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the biggest news of the day on his/her page is what she had for lunch
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04-17-2018 04:49
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Teacher: Johnny,Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence..... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and...Her-ass-meant a lot to me
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04-17-2018 04:50
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Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
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04-17-2018 04:50
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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she’s worth a shot
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04-17-2018 04:50
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Could everyone stop typing for a moment while I try to remember if I took my pills. Thank you.
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04-17-2018 06:59
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Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
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04-17-2018 09:23
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Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
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04-17-2018 11:09 by
markf
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Rich men treat ladies the way ladies treat broke men.
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04-17-2018 12:08
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If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
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04-17-2018 12:08
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I'm thinking of hiring Michael Cohen as my lawyer. He only has three clients and apparently he works for free. He doesn't take money from anyone.
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04-17-2018 12:19
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Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.
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04-17-2018 12:59 by
Kisstopher707
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I was shopping , thought cashier would ask if I wanted the receipt or not .I was prepared .She told me to have a nice day I said no thanks 😕
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04-17-2018 13:08
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When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
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04-17-2018 13:15
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So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
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04-17-2018 13:16
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I got kicked out of the threesome for singing “You’ve Got a Friend In Me.”
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04-17-2018 13:18
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I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
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04-17-2018 13:19
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The bright side of a zombie apocalypse is you no longer have to keep up with the Kardashians.
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04-17-2018 13:20
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