Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5637 of 6367
Strike fear into your bowling opponents by drinking three Red Bulls and trying to shove a bowling pin up your butt.
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03-20-2018 15:05
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I was always told, "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!" And ever since I received that sage advice, I've never lost my house or car keys!
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03-20-2018 15:06
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I put my pants on just like anyone else; unwillingly.
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03-20-2018 15:11
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Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
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03-20-2018 15:12
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Them: What's your favorite food? Me: Yes.
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03-20-2018 15:17
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Bending over, preparing to do my taxes.
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03-20-2018 15:20
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I like to arrive fashionably late and unfashionably intoxicated
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03-20-2018 15:23
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A confessional booth is a glory hole for secrets.
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03-20-2018 15:25
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Sex so good I wake up in the middle of it
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03-20-2018 15:26
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I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
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03-20-2018 15:26
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If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
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03-20-2018 18:22
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A chef these days is someone who constantly yells and swears at you in the kitchen.
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03-20-2018 19:01
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Honey badgers aren’t as delicious as they sound
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03-20-2018 19:04
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Why does the speaker of the house have a spoke person ?
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03-20-2018 22:13
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The Age of Men is over. The Time of the self-killing cars has come!
At the bar, someone asked me "what's my angle". I told her "about 30 degrees".
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03-21-2018 08:57
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have you ever quit alcohol to save money then realised that alcohol money cannot be saved because if you're not drinking it, it doesn't exist?
> Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn
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03-21-2018 09:55
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If you are surprised that Facebook may be selling your data then you are the reason hairdryers come with the warning, "Do not use in shower"
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03-21-2018 10:10 by markf
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Maybe when God was creating the centipede he fell asleep with his elbow on the Leg button
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03-21-2018 12:19
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