Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5637 of 6367

   messageicon Strike fear into your bowling opponents by drinking three Red Bulls and trying to shove a bowling pin up your butt.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was always told, "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!" And ever since I received that sage advice, I've never lost my house or car keys!
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put my pants on just like anyone else; unwillingly.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Them: What's your favorite food? Me: Yes.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bending over, preparing to do my taxes.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to arrive fashionably late and unfashionably intoxicated
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A confessional booth is a glory hole for secrets.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex so good I wake up in the middle of it
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
←Rate | 03-20-2018 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A chef these days is someone who constantly yells and swears at you in the kitchen.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 19:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey badgers aren’t as delicious as they sound
←Rate | 03-20-2018 19:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does the speaker of the house have a spoke person ?
←Rate | 03-20-2018 22:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Age of Men is over. The Time of the self-killing cars has come!
←Rate | 03-21-2018 03:15 by kolonelhans.ee Comments (1)  


   messageicon At the bar, someone asked me "what's my angle". I told her "about 30 degrees".
←Rate | 03-21-2018 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have you ever quit alcohol to save money then realised that alcohol money cannot be saved because if you're not drinking it, it doesn't exist?
←Rate | 03-21-2018 09:54 by @kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon > Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn
←Rate | 03-21-2018 09:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are surprised that Facebook may be selling your data then you are the reason hairdryers come with the warning, "Do not use in shower"
←Rate | 03-21-2018 10:10 by markf Comments (3)  


   messageicon Maybe when God was creating the centipede he fell asleep with his elbow on the Leg button
←Rate | 03-21-2018 12:19 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left