Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5636 of 6369
Given how much lint I pull out of the lint trap in my dryer, why aren't my clothes dissolving faster?
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09-02-2010 06:12
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I don't need to see 48 pictures of the vehicle you just bought. It's a used Sonata. Relax.
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09-02-2010 06:10
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I hate when you try dodging someone walking the opposite direction and you both step the same way, twice.
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09-02-2010 06:10
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I learned to cuss from Too Short.
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09-02-2010 05:54 by .
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Dear suicidal insects on my windshield: Stop it, I can't see.
If you were inside my head, A penny for my thoughts would be an overpayment.
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09-02-2010 05:51 by .
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bad news is time flys, good news is your the pilot
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09-02-2010 04:01
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If girls are made of sugar and spice, how come they taste like anchovies?
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09-02-2010 02:40
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Why do repairmen never have the part they need to fix something and say they'll come back in a few days when they get it? It's like a cop showing up to arrest someone and saying "Oh sorry. Looks like I'll need handcuffs. I'll be back in few days with them
shhhh..I am having a staring contest with the back of her eyelids and I think I am about to win
worried, my monkey has a drinking problem
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09-01-2010 23:45
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saying of course, the Squirrels!! gotta save the Squirrels..those flying ones are some cool gliding rodents
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09-01-2010 23:42
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come to the conclusion, after visiting her grandparents, that she is moving into a retirement home.. they have chairs in the shower and the toilets have arm rests!!! Can anyone say..SWEET!!!
thanks his mum for teaching him TIME TRAVEL as a kid. She would always say: "straighten up or I'll knock you into next week!"
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09-01-2010 23:16 by samdave69
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Hoping the hurricane washes up jersey shore!
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09-01-2010 21:45 by BEGO
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a love-ate relationship with food.
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09-01-2010 21:36
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Cut my life into pizza's, this is my plastic fork. Oven baking, heavy breathing, dont give a f**k if it's carbs that I'm eatting;)
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09-01-2010 20:08 by ANGELA
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Judging from the ads that constantly besiege us, I guess TV execs think that the only ones home watching TV during the day are injured at work, sick from a recalled medication, or unemployed with an abundance of gold jewelry.
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09-01-2010 19:55
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Man vs. Wild = MAN WINS!!.....Man vs. Discovery Channel = The Police Win!! I can't wait to watch the Discovery Channel Special of the Hostage Crisis on the Discovery Channel.
Signs that you have no life: when you have nothing better to do than complain.
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09-01-2010 19:32
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