Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 01:59 by @truebeachbabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 2011 New Years Resolution is to hangout with more than 2 of my facebook friends.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 01:57 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon I listened patiently for you to make a noise but you never did. Reluctantly I had to admit you were right, it was a bottomless pit.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 01:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep pictures of all of you in my wallet.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 01:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if my mailman even recognized me with my clothes on.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 01:16 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays? Surely this will lead to the creation of more seasoned criminals.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 00:25 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ˙ɹǝʌoƃuɐɥ ʇsɹoʍ ǝɥʇ sɐɥ
←Rate | 09-24-2010 23:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon can't seem to put out old flames, especially when they come back blazing in glory.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 23:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think outside the facebox.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 23:27 by Zack Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lady, well, shame on Lionel Richie.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 23:08 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We're not sure if he's life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 22:57 by @seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young I thought getting a yeast infection was sitting on dirty muffins while youre not wearing any underwear!
←Rate | 09-24-2010 22:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:59 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:58 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:55 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:52 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:48 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on I'm boycotting Shampoo....I demand REALPoo!!!!
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:46 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always hearing stories of people posting "Inappropriate" pics on Facebook....Why are none of YOU showing me nude pics my friends????
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:35 by greg2missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank God Facebook is back on-line! How would I ever find out what everyone had for dinner. Chicken souvlaki. BTW.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 21:06 Comments (0)  




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