Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon In certain cultures its illegal to look this good
←Rate | 10-02-2010 14:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I look at your mouth while your talking to me then CLEARLY I want you to just stfu!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 14:49 by @undefinedlook Comments (0)  


   messageicon The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 14:22 by Jeff Comments (2)  


   messageicon I hate people with fake names on facebook... Sorry Jamee Snickers Daughtry and Ashley Snookie Capulto you are now defriended
←Rate | 10-02-2010 13:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Loves to see her go but hates to watch her leave
←Rate | 10-02-2010 13:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon purchased his own Taser off the internet yesterday. In a totally unconnected incident, I've got to buy a cat to replace the neighbour's one this afternoon (and it must be identical looking)........
←Rate | 10-02-2010 12:46 by deithy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us just don't think it's a problem.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 12:04 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's nice when a grocery clerk asks if I found everything OK, but if they really cared they'd have all this sh!t in the same aisle for me.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 11:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hooters needs to change its logo, all these years I thought I was eating owl wings.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 11:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zombies make the best boyfriends; they love you for your brain, not your body...
←Rate | 10-02-2010 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinks......I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying
←Rate | 10-02-2010 08:40 by fluids Comments (1)  


   messageicon Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is??? They don't fancy each other
←Rate | 10-02-2010 08:36 by jizzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Excuse you, I'm in your way ... you should watch where I'm going!!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 08:30 by chipmunk Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 07:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 07:34 by mr brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 07:32 by boob Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that all the people who know how to run the country are all busy driving taxi's and cutting hair!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 07:07 by safc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that people always point to their wrist when they ask what time it is? I don't see them pointing to their ass when they ask where that bathroom is!!!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 06:55 by mbs101 Comments (0)  




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