Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Party like you will never be invited to another!

   thinks Facebook needs to add "imaginary" and "in denial" to the choices for relationship status...smh

   Dear 3rd stall over, flushing the toilet does not disguise explosive diarrhea. Thought you should know.

   The worst feeling isn't being lonely. It's being forgotten by someone you'd never forget.

   If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

   I am rotating the tire on my unicycle!

   People need to realize that they cant control wether or not their partner cheats on them.

   i dont know why but you must confuse me with someone who cares...

   People like YOU, are the reason why people like ME, need MEDICATION

   I'm sorry, I can't be mean to you. It's be kind to animals week.

   I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.

   Mmmm, plumpkins..

   I command you to read my status.......Thanks!

   You're not ugly, your simply hard to look at...that's ALL!!

   It's funny how people that seems to know everything are always the unhappiest.

   Well then....whatever cranks your tractor.

   When life hands you lemons you make lemonade so find somebody with vodka and have a party!!

   Please irritate me. I would LOVE to see how badly it ends for you. ;)

   Avoid red fingers. Eat Hot Cheetos using a toothpick.

   Dora the explorer is here illegally