Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This just in......Deanna Farve, wife of Brett Farve, has issued a statement saying that the cell phone pics weren't meant for Jenn Sterger but they were meant to be sent to her. She was quoted as saying, "They were supposed to be sent to me but you know B

   NFL Update: Favre Reports Stiffness.

   Parent:What does 'WTF' mean?! Kid:ummm...welcome to facebook!

   Brock Lesnar will kick Cain Velasquez ass!!!

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   Sasquatch is messin with me.

   thinks more people would take Sara Palin seriously if she lowered the tonal quality of her voice. Ow, my freakin' ears!!

   This halloween I decided to dress up as the Liberty Bell. If we end up at the same party, be sure to come over and check out my enormous crack.

   It is always seems to be "Enter some random family member" week or another. Who the hell makes up this schedule and where is it posted? I'm starting to think this crap is just made up.

   I think my cat wanna play hide n seek, thing is I always win when I shake a bag of cat food

   believes the rooster came first.

   free: Pmsing wife comes with big bag of Skittles,

   Walked into the bank today and asked the teller if she could check my balance… She leaned over and pushed me.

   FACT : sharks will only attack you if you are wet

   Well The Good News Is, I Came Out Of The Closet, The Bad News...I'm Gay.

   Wanted: 1985 delorean with flux capasitor time travil package with 1 shot of plutonium. serious sellers only price not a issue!!

   Skipping the new Jackass movie - already saw Christine O'Donnell debate this week.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't.. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my grandfather.

   If you ever see me drinking a Bud Light Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you.

   I wonder if those friends in low places have heard from Garth Brooks recently.