Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Im not tryin to start no controversy but wouldn't some pizza combos and a cream soda hit the spot right now?

   looking back those D.A.R.E classes were really a waste of time

   I dont do Drugs, I am Drugs

   Ladies, men are not that hard to figure out. They are a lot like carpet tiles… If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

   There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is they all cost money.

   was apparently misinformed about the meaning of 'cyber' Monday. *zips pants* My apologies to all of my co-workers.

   if you can't learn from your mistakes try doing them again

   BBC News: Lady Gaga drops Facebook for charity. She should also think about dropping her knickers - for clarity.

   You can't worry about what ifs friend you have to live in the moment.

   Logging into Facebook at work is like touching art at a museum: I can't help myself.

   The honorable Lt. Frank Drebin is gone.. Yet Nordberg is still with us.. Wheres the justice?

   Go to Google Translate and translate from German to German. Paste this into the box "pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpvpvzk kkkkk bsch" Click Listen!

   You know when you need a vacation when you start pretending the shower head is a waterfall!! ; /

   I am definitely spending too much time on this here internet thing. Today some rude dude bumped into me and I said to him out loud, "Double-you Tee Eff?!"

   Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...

   I guess as long as all participants are over 18, I'm okay with Cyber Monday...

   I am not afraid of heights... I am afraid of widths.

   ...When she walked away her ass looked like 2 midgets fighting under a blanket.

   If you can't laugh at yourself... I will gladly do it for you.

   I wore a leather jacket and a lady said a cow was murdered for that... I said so you were a witness now I have to kill you too.