Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:25 by Anemma Comments (2)  


   messageicon After telling a joke to a little sad kid, he simply asked back " do you know why the chicken crossed the road?" I said no why? He said " Because you were telling the joke at the chicken side". The end and he walked away. :/
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:11 by Ken Comments (1)  


   messageicon my new years resolution is 1920 x 1080
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:04 Comments (7)  


   messageicon liked to climb trees as a kid....until I fell and broke all the Christmas presents.
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:00 by Rich Comments (1)  


   messageicon Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up. In other news, Taylor Swift has started writing her next album.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 23:38 by @Jason_Vasquez Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear God, I think you're taking this Angry Birds game a little to the extreme.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 23:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wii should make beer pong... tired of losing to my son in all the games HE'S good at
←Rate | 01-04-2011 23:16 by levon Comments (3)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, Let me explain about last year..
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:38 by Anemma Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is FROWNED UPON in this ESTABLISHMENT!
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:38 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:35 by Anemma Comments (6)  


   messageicon Renaming my wifi network to 'Police Surveillance Van #2'. That should keep the neighbors peeking out the windows toes for a while
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:21 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I ain't been around the world yet...... But I've been around the sun 24 times
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarah Palin on fact-finding mission to Arkansas: "We need to find out why birds are dying before they can be shot."
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On my 8th slice of pizza watching the bigget loser!! Time to make a change!! Where's the remote??
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:37 by @psym0niedk9 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, I guess people in Arkansas don't have to worry about bird flu this year...
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think that all P0rn movies could have the exact same title....."Sh t That Will Never Happen to You"
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what if she has a boyfriend.. Soccer has a goaly too ;)
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon flights booked, lawyer called, cars ordered, mansion picked out.....now I just need my lotto numbers to hit!!!
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:00 Comments (1)  


   messageicon while it is true there are plenty of other fish in the sea, its also true most aren't even close to being a trophy.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 20:12 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I am so glad they make smart phones for dumb folks like me! Make me realize how slow I really am. 50,000 apps to choose from and I have trouble figure out what to make for frigging dinner.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 20:03 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  




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