Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5139 of 6369
Lean pockets: for those of you who don't eat meat, but still like diarrhea.
just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
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02-22-2011 02:26
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She: "Ummm, I dont think we should, I have I boyfriend." He: "So? I have a skateboard but I'd much rather drive a car"
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02-22-2011 00:55 by Mile
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finally got my certification in the mail, I'm officially insane.
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02-22-2011 00:08
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i dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
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02-22-2011 00:06
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Sarah Palin and Snookie both Having NY Times bestsellers makes me realize being literate is overrated
Just saw a "dance" pole listed on Craigslist at 10pm Monday, Feb. 14th…opened but not used…unappreciated Valentine gift?
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02-21-2011 23:49
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Someone needs to tell my apt building that tapping the handle on a shower nozzle shouldn't change the temperature by thousands of degrees at once
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things of high shelves.
If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray, a breast exam, and if you mention Al Qaeda you will get a free colonoscopy
word of the day: nincomtard
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02-21-2011 22:36
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learning about the artists leanardo, donatello, michelangelo, and raphael......but all I can think about is mutated turtles with nunchuks
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02-21-2011 22:27
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babies have it so easy, they can poop or puke on anyone and people will still think theyre cute!
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02-21-2011 22:24
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If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray, a breast exam, and if you mention Al Qaeda you will get a free colonoscopy
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02-21-2011 21:48
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Evidently once your mother leaves the house you jump on her computer and think your a comedian with the "once you....."
wondering why zombies wear such drab clothing... They' look a lot less un-dead I'd they'd just spice up their wardrobes with a bit of color.
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02-21-2011 21:31 by Bricktop
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Geting your wife two gifts but telling her one is for my Wife and the other is for my Lover is not a good idea. because she wont get it
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02-21-2011 21:15 by hovo
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thinks my doctor's waiting room needs some music... and better lighting... and more women... and a pole in the middle of the room... and a buffet.
love is a social disease.
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02-21-2011 20:04
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There is no good way to tell your spouse you want to go on "Wife Swap".
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02-21-2011 20:00 by Joshman
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