Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders if the fake Irish accents on the Irish Spring commercials can sound anymore bogus , I've met a lot of people from Ireland and NONE of hem talked like that

   If you want proof that one person can make a difference, punch a stranger in the face.

   Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and suck forever.

   It's Topless Tuesday night! Woot!

   Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks....

   it's funny how the ;) can make anything seem dirty................

   My friends cars gas tank is on E. And we're still driving. Call me crazy.......but I think we just beat the system!

   I quit eating...cold turkey...now I microwave it..

   Dear Santa, Let me explain about last year..

   wondering if they could invent a self cleaning oven, why can't they invent a self cleaning house?

   Confucius says man who argue with wife all day get no piece at night...

   2 tickets to Paradise and isn't taking you.

   Other countries would fear us more if, instead of a nickname for a holding cell, the "Drunk Tank" were an actual weapon.

   This just in... Lebron James chose Sunny D over the purple stuff!

   thinking about some chicken fried, cold beer, and wearing a pair of jeans that fit just right!

   Welcome to my world:-)...Oh yeah, I forgot..your not in it..:-/

   about to give his doodle dandy a yankee

   beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder.

   6 out of 10 people wash their hands after using the bathroom, 4 out 10 use soap, 3 out of 10 actually wait for the water to get hot also.

   a little piece of me dies everyday... in a tubesock shoved to the bottom of my laundry hamper... thanks mom