Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5029 of 6369
Anyone care to tell me 1) Why, when brushing my teeth, I raise my eyebrows AS FAR AS THEY WILL GO? And 2) How long has this been going on?
Just saw Steven Tyler in a Burger King commercial... There's no punchline. That in itself is funny.
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04-26-2012 10:40
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Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.
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04-30-2012 06:57
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Oh act like you never bullied someone in school.
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05-11-2012 17:58
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you're an overweight female who wears Yoga Pants everyday? Please continue to do so, I love throwing up in my mouth
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05-15-2012 22:50 by fadolo
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When will women understand that pouting and doing the duck-face is not sexy at all? Oh and include acting dumb on that list.
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05-17-2012 08:08
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Stop adding people you don't know on Facebook as your “friends”. Friends aren't Pokemon cards, you can't collect them all!
feeling as sprightly today as Jimi Hendrix... or anyone else who has been dead for 40 years.
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05-21-2012 10:56 by ash
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If I could go back in time I would be playing recieve with your mom!
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11-21-2011 11:37
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Making girls who "aren't like that," like that. All Day, Every day.
if they are cheating, they won't tell you they're cheating. If they aren't cheating, they won't tell you they are cheating. So you'll hear either, “I'm not cheating,” or “I'm not cheating.”
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11-26-2011 14:33
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Dear Santa, I've been really good today, so lets focus on that!
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11-26-2011 20:42 by tails277
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Whats the difference between you and a hippo? One is fat, lazy, ugly, disgusting, smelly, and weird .......then there's the hippo
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12-13-2011 20:16 by g0re
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You know why cowboys wear big buckles? It's a tombstone for a dead prick !
Put a condom on your heart & f$ck your feelings.
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06-23-2012 22:15 by BEGO
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The lump of coal I received this year was of exceptional quality, 9,326,423 years ago was a fine vintage year
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12-25-2011 16:10
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Nothing says dumba$$ like re-gifting someone a gift they gave you.
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12-28-2011 19:32
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Ryan Seacrest owns a $6000 toilet & Van Gogh sold 3 paintings in his entire lifetime. Any questions?
You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status
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01-14-2012 23:55
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Stop with the blank and blank that you idiot
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01-18-2012 16:25
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