Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do Amish people and homeless people have in common? They can't read this.

   Anybody else having trouble finding a Tebow jersey small enough to fit on their light-up baby Jesus?

   we have chosen death over life, hatred over peace, arguments over understanding, conflict over family, etc. We are our own worse enemy endangered species!! Sad but true ain't nothing gonna change until dig within self and accept God "within"...

   hates your extended network.

   youre so ugly just after you were was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea, let's go bury it!"

   Why does a good Christian fear death and why do we mourn the dead, if they are going to a much better place?

   Bristol is following in her mother's footsteps, having no talent and people still root for her!

   I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?

   what really sank the titanic.

   using a Magic 8 ball to answer his bosses questions.

   had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture

   put a leopard in a headlock. You now refer to this animal as the giraffe

   One hot sunny afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn-chair drinking beer and listening to the game, while his wife mowed the lawn. The Lady next store observed this and scolded him.... "How can you sit there and let your wife do the hard work? Any man w

   Confucius says: Crowded elevator smell different to midget

   regrets to inform you that due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off

   I find my nose is always itchiest right before I scratch it.

   answered the phone at work, when the person asked if Roger was available..I said no, he's married

   thinks a foolish husband gives his wife an old piano. A wise husband gives her an upright organ!

   wonders if she's the only one who gets nervous when she sees a Toyota in her rearview

   Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.